I don’t know why I’m surprised every single year when Christmas displays begin before the leaves even fall. What a mixture of emotions this time of year brings in my heart. Over the years from being a child to being a parent of two, and now being a preschool minister, my feelings about Christmas continue to evolve.
I have spent time outside of the American culture, as have many of my friends. Christmas truly is a strange set of traditions that most of us never question, but perhaps we should. As parents, I would dare say that it’s our responsibility.
Christmas, as celebrated here, truly is an American tradition that is either foreign to most of the world or is emulated in attempts to be more like America. A friend of mine spent last Christmas in India, where they were celebrating Christmas. When she inquired as to the purpose of the celebration, he reported that it was an American holiday, where “they worship the red guru.” Interesting. My family spent last year in Guatemala where the most religious view it as sin to celebrate Christmas (and sharply judge those who do). They would argue that December 25 is listed nowhere in the bible. Exposure to strange traditions outside of America has caused me to also challenge our traditions here at home. I invite you to go on this journey with me.
Most of us agree in concept with the corny signs “Keep Christ in Christmas,” “Merry CHRISTmas,” and “Jesus is the Reason for the Season.” However, do our activities and actions surrounding Christmas agree with our beliefs? Or have we become caught up in a cultural swarm that has separated us from our convictions and our better judgment?
At this point I have a mixture of questions, thoughts that challenge me and also difficulties reconciling my childhood (which had wonderful memories of Christmas) to the experience I want for my children. The thoughts below are not cohesive. Perhaps one day the Lord will pull them all together and I will come to peace with the answers. Today that is not the case. It’s just a collection of challenging questions for which I do not have perfect answers.
Children learn by association
Children learn by association. On Christmas, just like every other day of the year, I am teaching my children something. On Christmas, what am I teaching them about Jesus?
As Americans, are we associating Christmas – which by its name should be focused on Christ – with excessive spending and materialism? Is it possible that those of us in our 20’s and 30’s are a generation that began to associate Jesus with our own happiness? So many people in our churches today believe that Jesus wants them to have a picture-perfect, pain-free life. Certainly excessive Christmas giving is not entirely to blame for this, but could it be part of the problem? Here’s the possible logic that a child’s brain could follow: (1) Christmas is all about Jesus (mom and dad tell me so), (2) I get LOTS and LOTS of STUFF at Christmas, and (3) the focus of Christmas is for me to be happy (that’s why I get lots of stuff), therefore (4) Jesus wants me to be happy and have LOTS of STUFF. Certainly a young child cannot articulate this, but is it the lesson being taught?
Gift-Giving
Are you familiar with the “Christmas List”? Most of us are. I remember flipping through the toy section of the Sears catalogue as a kid (yes, I know that shows my age), circling and carefully making a list of all the treasures that I wanted for Christmas. I spent hours and hours over many weeks mulling over this list. Upon presenting my multiple-page list, I was full of hope that I would receive many of those things for Christmas. As Christmas Eve approached each year, my thoughts were with those packages under the tree. Which things did they choose? Maybe ALL of them? The suspense was fantastically exciting, and the culmination of months of wishing came to a head on Christmas Eve (when my family traditionally opens all gifts). As we ate, read the Christmas story and shared special moments of the year, the anxiety increased with every breath as my heart beat faster and faster knowing that the time to open the gifts was approaching. I had withstood weeks of suspense that would now be duly rewarded. When the moment finally arrived, I ripped through all the packages as fast as my very sentimental mother would let me. Finally, I drank my fill of the gidgets and gadgets that I had dreamt of for months, ripping open each package only to lay it to the side and reach for the next. It was euphoria. On Christmas day I would wake up to even more stuff – the treasures Santa had left in the night.
What fun memories I have of those days. I know now as I knew then that it was an expression of my parents’ love for me. However, here’s what is challenging me as a parent: Was that day really focused on Christ? What did I learn about Christ on Christmas? Is it possible that my struggle with materialism as an adult was fed there when I was a child? One thing I know for sure is that my thoughts throughout the year of Christmas were certainly all about that moment of ripping open the toys. Yes, of course we should “let kids be kids” but we are also not to forget what we are teaching them in the process. I found out later in life that my parents overspent every year and would spend months catching up financially.
What the Bible says
There is no biblical mandate to celebrate Christmas. Certainly it is acceptable and even culturally relevant to do so, but it is not an explicit direction of the bible.
As I’ve mentioned in my previous blogs, the bible is silent on so many parenting topics. Christmas is one of them. However, the bible is very clear that parents are to teach their children about God’s mighty works (Psalm 145:4-10, Matthew 21:14-16). It is truly a mighty work of the Lord that He sent His only Son to be born of a virgin to save the world from sin. Should this mighty work be the focus of our Christmas celebration? What does it look like for that to be the focus? How can gift-giving be done in such a way so that it is not the focus?
Why do we overbuy?
What is your motive behind buying that fifth, eighth, tenth gift for your child? I believe there are several reasons that we overbuy for our children.
- It is fun. It is fun for us to watch them have fun, and lots of new toys are FUN. So watching them be happy makes us happy. Is this idolatry?
- Memories. We have memories (good or bad) that we either got things at Christmas (or didn’t), and we want the same (or different) for our children. Are we swinging the pendulum too far?
- Competition. We want our kids to have just as many fun toys as their friends, or maybe we want our friends to see how many toys we can buy for our kids. This is clearly sin.
- Cultural Tradition. We sometimes just get caught up in the season. We see others around us buying and buying and buying. We just feel like it’s the right thing to do at Christmas. But is it really the right thing to do?
A happy medium
Gift-giving at Christmas is not a bad thing. I also do not believe it is necessary to give a gift to every leaf on your family tree. In the case of children, however, I do believe that it is important that they receive something for Christmas. Otherwise I believe it can lead to bitterness and resentment in years to come. After all, we do live here in America. However, is it OK to excessively lavish gifts upon our children?
Somewhere I heard a suggestion that I thought was brilliant. Parents buy three things for their kids at Christmas: one thing that the kid wants (toy, etc.), one thing that they need (jacket, shoes, etc.) and one thing that teaches them about Jesus (a bible, a book, a music CD).
If you want them to have other cool stuff, just give it to them at some other time.
What about extended family?
In some families parents are not excessive with Christmas, but the grandparents or other family members ARE. As the parent, you may need to have difficult conversations with these people. Set limits on buying and then communicate those limits. Make it clear to your family that you are trying to teach your child, not punish them. If they have other things that they want the child to have, suggest that they give them to your child at other random times throughout the year and not all at Christmas. If your family is not cooperative, teach your children about the joy of giving by donating the excess toys to a family in need or to your local charity. (This always goes better if the children know ahead of time that they will be allowed to choose a certain number of toys to keep.)
Santa
As a clarifying point, I do not believe that the concept of Santa is evil. Our kids get goodies from Santa. However, the bible is clear about having integrity in your speech – about not lying. Are there exceptions for Santa, the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy?
There are ways to allow your children to experience the excitement of the Santa tradition without lying to them. It is important for your children to know that they can trust you – that you are honest with them.
Financial considerations
Are you skipping your tithe to the Church in order to fund Christmas? Are you going into debt to celebrate the birth of Christ? Does that make sense? Is that OK? Consider making gifts for the adults on your gift-giving list or even writing them a heart-felt letter. I know I would rather receive a sincere, love-filled letter than a bottle of scented lotion. What about Aunt Sally who expects a gift every year. If I buy something for Aunt Sally does that mean I also have to buy for Uncle Fred?
So what now?
So maybe October is the perfect time to start preparing for Christmas – to think through how this year can be different. Be sure of this – if you don’t intentionally make changes this year, old habits will repeat themselves (even if you don’t like them). Children learn more by our actions than our words. They can with pinpoint precision separate where our actions and our words do not match. Perhaps this Christmas can be different. Perhaps this year the focus of Christmas in your home really can be Christ.