If you have been coming to The Village with preschoolers for any length of time, you have seen or experienced the Foundational Truths. These are the five statements we use to teach the kids about what God has revealed about Himself in Scripture. These statements are on the stickers your children wear home each Sunday, and are the focus of our teaching in the classrooms. I am including below an excerpt from our Preschool Charter to help explain how we teach in The Little Village.

• God Made Everything – All things are created by God and for God, as revealed in Genesis 1 and John 1.
• God Is In Charge of Everything – God is Sovereign over all things. This Divine Sovereignty permeates our teaching as it permeates the Scriptures.
• God Is Good – the Father knows what is best, does what is best, and is what is best. We can trust that His ways are always good, even in the midst of suffering. The Father is God.
• Jesus Came to Save Sinners – All men are sinful, and the punishment for sin is death. Sinners can only be saved from the wrath of God by the Son, Jesus Christ. His death, burial and resurrection purchased the souls of those whom the Father has chosen. This salvation is received by grace through faith, which is a gift from God. Jesus Christ is God.
• God Wants To Talk With Us – Relationship and communication with God is available to those who receive the gift of faith. Communication in that relationship is a two-way street, and is facilitated by The Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is God.

While much of what can be done with this age group can be seen as merely catechism, we cannot discount the power of the Holy Spirit to reveal truth to the hearts of children whose lives would in turn be transformed by the gospel. For example, we do not wait until children can interact verbally to begin teaching. We teach starting at one year of age, confident in the hope that is offered through the blood of Jesus Christ that our God is mighty to save. We will proclaim the gospel of Jesus Christ clearly and plead with our great God and King to be merciful and reveal Himself. Salvation belongs to the Lord alone.

“Let go!”

“It’s mine, Katherine!”

“But I was playing with it!”

The sounds of this exchange come out of my son’s room, down the hall, into the den, and vibrate my eardrums with an intensity that cause me to immediately stand, and walk with purpose in the direction from whence the sounds are coming. Upon reaching the room, I see that both my children are sitting on the bed clutching the same toy with an urgency that shows both determination and frustration. My first instinct is to quickly put an end to this by asking the time-honored, dispute-resolving question, “Who had it first?”

I have heard this phrase uttered many times in my childhood, and have certainly seen it employed by many parents in a manner that certainly seemed successful. It usually results in the child who had it first winning the day and the dispute is over. Quiet ensues and peace is achieved. Or is it?

So often as parents we are willing to take the easy road and do whatever we can to end the dispute, stop the temper tantrum, dry the tears and avoid any public embarrassment. But the methods that we choose accomplish only that. They are simply behavior modifications, and often times they can actually feed the sin at its root – in our child’s heart.

Let’s look at my opening illustration with my kids. If I play the, “who-had-it-first” game, am I teaching my children about loving one another, about serving each other, about honoring each other? Am I teaching them to be peaceful, to have patience, to be kind, about having self-control? Certainly not. I am teaching them to look out for themselves. If they want something, they better just make sure they get to it first. Every man for himself.

What if I bargain with them? If I offer my daughter something in return for being kind to her brother, what am I teaching her? I’m teaching her that suppressing your sin in certain situations can be beneficial – especially if you exhibit the sin in plain sight of Mommy and Daddy in order to instigate the bargaining process.

Our children are sinful. Yours are, mine are. Their behaviors are simply the manifestations of the sin that resides within them. It is our job to show them their sin and make them aware of their need for a Redeemer. While their behaviors must certainly have consequences, i.e. discipline, we cannot stop there. We must show our children their need for a Savior, and point them to Jesus Christ.

We must be mindful as parents of small children. If we do not get to the heart issues of our children’s sin but are merely addressing behaviors, then we are like a man that cuts down a thorn bush. After cutting the plant back to the ground, he leaves the roots intact. He walks away, hoping that a flower garden will grow back in its place. Now anyone who witnessed this would know that the only thing that will grow back is more thorns. If he truly wants to grow a flower garden, he must dig the roots of the thorn bush up and plant new flowers. We must teach our children where the roots are and introduce them to the gardener.

One of my very first memories of church when I was a kid has to do with money. Every Sunday morning my family drove to church together. When we arrived to church we went to the exact same seats on the second row. We would sit down and my dad would hand my sister and me one quarter each. We would put the quarter in the pink church envelopes and, once we were old enough, would write our names and the amount on the front. Then when the time came for the plate to be passed, my sister and I would drop the envelopes into the offering plates.

I didn’t know it at the time, but my dad was training us to understand the importance of giving tithes and offerings. At 5 years old, a quarter was a big deal. It could have purchased gum or some trinket from the machines at the grocery store; it could have gone in the piggy bank we were keeping to save up for a Nintendo… the possibilities were endless. But we knew that the quarter we received on Sunday morning was going to be placed in the offering plate. As we got a little older, conversations started about where that money was actually going. My grandparents were missionaries so we had the opportunity to learn that some of the money we gave went to helping people like them to tell people about Jesus all over the world. Our church built a new building and we learned that our money went to help make that happen. We went on mission trips and we saw for ourselves the places that our money went to meet physical needs of people in poverty.

Deuteronomy 6:5 tells us that “You shall love the Lord your God with all you heart and with all your soul and with and your might.” Loving the Lord with our heart, soul and might includes loving the Lord in all aspects of life, including the way we view and spend our money. Verse 7 goes on to say “You shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down and when you rise.” How are you teaching your children to love the Lord in all areas of life, including money? Are you talking to them often about why we give money to our church? Are you leading by example in the way you and your spouse talk about and handle money in your household?

John Piper answered the questions “What have you done to teach your children the importance of giving tithes and offerings?” recently on the Desiring God Web ite. I would encourage you to take some time to read this article and think about setting up a plan with your family.

I don’t know why I’m surprised every single year when Christmas displays begin before the leaves even fall. What a mixture of emotions this time of year brings in my heart. Over the years from being a child to being a parent of two, and now being a preschool minister, my feelings about Christmas continue to evolve.

I have spent time outside of the American culture, as have many of my friends. Christmas truly is a strange set of traditions that most of us never question, but perhaps we should. As parents, I would dare say that it’s our responsibility.

Christmas, as celebrated here, truly is an American tradition that is either foreign to most of the world or is emulated in attempts to be more like America. A friend of mine spent last Christmas in India, where they were celebrating Christmas. When she inquired as to the purpose of the celebration, he reported that it was an American holiday, where “they worship the red guru.” Interesting. My family spent last year in Guatemala where the most religious view it as sin to celebrate Christmas (and sharply judge those who do). They would argue that December 25 is listed nowhere in the bible. Exposure to strange traditions outside of America has caused me to also challenge our traditions here at home. I invite you to go on this journey with me.

Most of us agree in concept with the corny signs “Keep Christ in Christmas,” “Merry CHRISTmas,” and “Jesus is the Reason for the Season.” However, do our activities and actions surrounding Christmas agree with our beliefs? Or have we become caught up in a cultural swarm that has separated us from our convictions and our better judgment?

At this point I have a mixture of questions, thoughts that challenge me and also difficulties reconciling my childhood (which had wonderful memories of Christmas) to the experience I want for my children. The thoughts below are not cohesive. Perhaps one day the Lord will pull them all together and I will come to peace with the answers. Today that is not the case. It’s just a collection of challenging questions for which I do not have perfect answers.

Children learn by association
Children learn by association. On Christmas, just like every other day of the year, I am teaching my children something. On Christmas, what am I teaching them about Jesus?

As Americans, are we associating Christmas – which by its name should be focused on Christ – with excessive spending and materialism? Is it possible that those of us in our 20’s and 30’s are a generation that began to associate Jesus with our own happiness? So many people in our churches today believe that Jesus wants them to have a picture-perfect, pain-free life. Certainly excessive Christmas giving is not entirely to blame for this, but could it be part of the problem? Here’s the possible logic that a child’s brain could follow: (1) Christmas is all about Jesus (mom and dad tell me so), (2) I get LOTS and LOTS of STUFF at Christmas, and (3) the focus of Christmas is for me to be happy (that’s why I get lots of stuff), therefore (4) Jesus wants me to be happy and have LOTS of STUFF. Certainly a young child cannot articulate this, but is it the lesson being taught?

Gift-Giving
Are you familiar with the “Christmas List”? Most of us are. I remember flipping through the toy section of the Sears catalogue as a kid (yes, I know that shows my age), circling and carefully making a list of all the treasures that I wanted for Christmas. I spent hours and hours over many weeks mulling over this list. Upon presenting my multiple-page list, I was full of hope that I would receive many of those things for Christmas. As Christmas Eve approached each year, my thoughts were with those packages under the tree. Which things did they choose? Maybe ALL of them? The suspense was fantastically exciting, and the culmination of months of wishing came to a head on Christmas Eve (when my family traditionally opens all gifts). As we ate, read the Christmas story and shared special moments of the year, the anxiety increased with every breath as my heart beat faster and faster knowing that the time to open the gifts was approaching. I had withstood weeks of suspense that would now be duly rewarded. When the moment finally arrived, I ripped through all the packages as fast as my very sentimental mother would let me. Finally, I drank my fill of the gidgets and gadgets that I had dreamt of for months, ripping open each package only to lay it to the side and reach for the next. It was euphoria. On Christmas day I would wake up to even more stuff – the treasures Santa had left in the night.

What fun memories I have of those days. I know now as I knew then that it was an expression of my parents’ love for me. However, here’s what is challenging me as a parent: Was that day really focused on Christ? What did I learn about Christ on Christmas? Is it possible that my struggle with materialism as an adult was fed there when I was a child? One thing I know for sure is that my thoughts throughout the year of Christmas were certainly all about that moment of ripping open the toys. Yes, of course we should “let kids be kids” but we are also not to forget what we are teaching them in the process. I found out later in life that my parents overspent every year and would spend months catching up financially.

What the Bible says
There is no biblical mandate to celebrate Christmas. Certainly it is acceptable and even culturally relevant to do so, but it is not an explicit direction of the bible.

As I’ve mentioned in my previous blogs, the bible is silent on so many parenting topics. Christmas is one of them. However, the bible is very clear that parents are to teach their children about God’s mighty works (Psalm 145:4-10, Matthew 21:14-16). It is truly a mighty work of the Lord that He sent His only Son to be born of a virgin to save the world from sin. Should this mighty work be the focus of our Christmas celebration? What does it look like for that to be the focus? How can gift-giving be done in such a way so that it is not the focus?

Why do we overbuy?
What is your motive behind buying that fifth, eighth, tenth gift for your child? I believe there are several reasons that we overbuy for our children.

1. It is fun. It is fun for us to watch them have fun, and lots of new toys are FUN. So watching them be happy makes us happy. Is this idolatry?
2. Memories. We have memories (good or bad) that we either got things at Christmas (or didn’t), and we want the same (or different) for our children. Are we swinging the pendulum too far?
3. Competition. We want our kids to have just as many fun toys as their friends, or maybe we want our friends to see how many toys we can buy for our kids. This is clearly sin.
4. Cultural Tradition. We sometimes just get caught up in the season. We see others around us buying and buying and buying. We just feel like it’s the right thing to do at Christmas. But is it really the right thing to do?

A happy medium
Gift-giving at Christmas is not a bad thing. I also do not believe it is necessary to give a gift to every leaf on your family tree. In the case of children, however, I do believe that it is important that they receive something for Christmas. Otherwise I believe it can lead to bitterness and resentment in years to come. After all, we do live here in America. However, is it OK to excessively lavish gifts upon our children?

Somewhere I heard a suggestion that I thought was brilliant. Parents buy three things for their kids at Christmas: one thing that the kid wants (toy, etc.), one thing that they need (jacket, shoes, etc.) and one thing that teaches them about Jesus (a bible, a book, a music CD).

If you want them to have other cool stuff, just give it to them at some other time.

What about extended family?
In some families parents are not excessive with Christmas, but the grandparents or other family members ARE. As the parent, you may need to have difficult conversations with these people. Set limits on buying and then communicate those limits. Make it clear to your family that you are trying to teach your child, not punish them. If they have other things that they want the child to have, suggest that they give them to your child at other random times throughout the year and not all at Christmas. If your family is not cooperative, teach your children about the joy of giving by donating the excess toys to a family in need or to your local charity. (This always goes better if the children know ahead of time that they will be allowed to choose a certain number of toys to keep.)

Santa
As a clarifying point, I do not believe that the concept of Santa is evil. Our kids get goodies from Santa. However, the bible is clear about having integrity in your speech – about not lying. Are there exceptions for Santa, the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy?

There are ways to allow your children to experience the excitement of the Santa tradition without lying to them. It is important for your children to know that they can trust you – that you are honest with them.

Financial considerations
Are you skipping your tithe to the Church in order to fund Christmas? Are you going into debt to celebrate the birth of Christ? Does that make sense? Is that OK? Consider making gifts for the adults on your gift-giving list or even writing them a heart-felt letter. I know I would rather receive a sincere, love-filled letter than a bottle of scented lotion. What about Aunt Sally who expects a gift every year. If I buy something for Aunt Sally does that mean I also have to buy for Uncle Fred?

So what now?
So maybe October is the perfect time to start preparing for Christmas – to think through how this year can be different. Be sure of this – if you don’t intentionally make changes this year, old habits will repeat themselves (even if you don’t like them). Children learn more by our actions than our words. They can with pinpoint precision separate where our actions and our words do not match. Perhaps this Christmas can be different. Perhaps this year the focus of Christmas in your home really can be Christ.

I cannot tell you how many parents approach me on the weekends asking about the song their child could not stop singing the week before. They tell me that their preschooler sang in the car, in the bathtub, during dinner – the same song over and over again! The next question is usually, “What is the song and where can I find it?”

Singing is an important part of the hour and a half that your child spends in The Little Village on the weekend. The teachers play music as all the children enter the classroom. We sing a song to signal to the kids that it is time to clean up the toys. The most intentional and important time we spend singing is in the minutes before the lesson and foundational truth are taught, about thirty minutes after service begins. This time is reserved to teach your children about praising the Lord through song.

In the Little Village, we try to be very intentional about the songs that we sing with your kids. We sing songs that teach about how amazing and great God is: “My God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there’s nothing my God cannot do!” We also sing songs that remind us that God made everything on the earth: “Let everything that God made say thank you, Lord!”

One CD that we use in the Little Village often is Deliberate Kids. The songs on this CD teach about the fruits of the Spirit, the joy that comes from obedience, what to do when you are afraid, the books of the Bible and so much more.

Parents, our hope is that the exposure your children are getting to praising our great God through song does not end when they are picked up from their classroom after weekend services. Instead, our prayer is that singing to the Lord is a daily and natural occurrence in your household. Sing with your kids often! When you are driving in the car, turn up the music and encourage your preschooler to wave his arms while you sing together. Before bed, spend some time creating motions to your favorite songs. I know what you are thinking…. Motions? That’s right motions! Clap your hands, show your muscles, act like a bird, crawl on the floor, all in the name of praising our Father on a level that preschoolers can comprehend and be engaged in. Forget about who might see you and set an example to your child that God is so good and holy and amazing that we as His children cannot keep from praising Him in song. Take a cue from King David who said in 2 Samuel 6, “I will celebrate before the LORD. I will become even more undignified than this… .” I can guarantee that you won’t regret it.

It’s a very exciting time in the life of our church. The Denton campus is thriving. The Dallas campus is filling up just two weeks after opening its doors to the public. The Highland Village campus is as vibrant as ever. The Flower Mound campus is right around the corner, doubling the occupancy of the Highland Village campus. The Lord’s hand is evident among us. As Matt has said several times from the stage, we never sat down and planned this.

All of this growth, however, does not come without pain as well. Perhaps this pain is felt no deeper than in our Preschool Department. We typically attract young volunteers – college students, young married couples, single young professionals. Two years ago when the Denton campus opened, we lost a large portion of our volunteers. Now, with the opening of the Dallas campus we have lost nearly 50 volunteers from our preschool department – nearly 30% of our volunteers. What has happened is that we lost the majority of our college students to Denton. Now we have lost many of our young married couples, more college students and many of our young professionals to Dallas. Interestingly, after two weeks of the Dallas campus hard launch, the number of preschoolers attending the Highland Village campus has not decreased. So our volunteer force in Highland Village has decreased, but our population of children has stayed the same. Yikes!

This undesirable combination has tragic effects in that we have been forced to turn children away from our preschool rooms, asking parents to make the difficult decision of either taking their children into service with them (often not a successful endeavor for a preschooler) or turn around and head home without attending church. Unfortunately, this is necessary for the safety of the children when we either don’t have enough volunteers or don’t have enough physical space in our facility.

If you are a parent at the Highland Village campus, times are changing. For years we have enjoyed the service of the young people of our church serving you, the families. But now a large percentage of those young people have left. It’s time for parents to step up to the plate. It’s time to give back to the ministry that has been serving you and your children.

It is important to note that we ask for weekly service from our volunteers. This is to facilitate bonding between the children and the volunteers, which shows so very many positive results. Volunteers know the kids’ names, become familiar with the parents and know the loveable quirks of each child. The children know that they are going to church to see “Ms. Becky” or “Mr. David.” They become trusted friends, thus furthering the effectiveness of teaching them the gospel.

The Lord is at work in the hearts and minds of these volunteers and these children. The good news of Jesus Christ is being proclaimed in The Little Village every weekend. Will you join us?

If you, or someone that you know, would like to volunteer in the preschool ministry, visit our Web site to fill out a volunteer application and background check.

This week’s blog was written by Brad Blanchard, a father of preschoolers at our Dallas campus. He is living and serving among the refugees in Dallas and has written a review of Bruce Ware’s book Big Truths for Young Hearts. – Carl Brower

Bruce Ware’s book, Big Truths for Young Hearts – Teaching and Learning the Greatness of God, caught me by complete surprise. What I found in this book was much deeper and much richer with knowledge than I ever expected. Big Truths for Young Hearts could more easily be translated as just Big Truths. Regardless of age, this book offers each reader insight into the foundation of our Christian faith. This book from the very beginning tackles some of the most complex truths found in the Bible, such as the Trinity and the reason pain and suffering exist in the world. Each section is broken into easy-to-read chapters that are made up of only a few pages. Accompanying each chapter or topic, Bruce provides two questions that are intended to provoke deeper discussions or thoughts individually or with your children, and a verse recommended for learning. I strongly encourage anyone reading this book to take it a chapter at a time in order to truly capture the key points expressed in each topic and to get the most from the application questions at the end of each chapter.

As I read through the book I could sense the true passion and love the author had for our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Fortunately for the reader, this book is not simply written by someone who is passionate but someone possessing a sound doctrinal understanding of the Christian faith. Mr. Ware writes about who God is and the revelations about Himself provided to us through His scripture. Unlike some books, the teachings were not riddled with the personal opinions of the author.

As a parent preparing to share biblical doctrine with my 8 month old son, Bruce has brought up several topics in which many would probably believe are far too advanced for children. In the foreword written by Bruce’s two daughters (ages 2 and 6 during these first conversations), I was encouraged and motivated to hear of the discussions he held with them and the memories they have of those nights talking with their father. Far too often we underestimate the levels of comprehension our young ones possess, and in so doing we miss out on great opportunities to share the Gospel with our children. If I have learned anything from this book, it is that it is never too early to discuss biblical doctrine with our kids. Just as important as it is for children to be taught truth at a young age, it is important that they see that very truth reflected in the lives of their parents. As a parent teaching the Gospel, I must ensure that my actions speak just as loudly as my words.

In what seemed like a quick-read at just over 230 pages, Big Truths for Young Hearts, truly challenged me in ways I have yet to be challenged by books in similar categories. It is a must read for anyone ready to sharpen their own understanding of the Lord, and it is even more vital to anyone preparing to equip our young ones with the knowledge they need to carry on this Message to the generations to come.

Gilbert Montez is a long time staff member at The Village. He and his wife, Beyla, have two daughters, Angela and Elizabeth. Gilbert’s story of raising his girls to know and love our great God is a beautiful one, and I hope that it encourages you as a parent of young children whose minds and hearts are being shaped and molded daily.

I feel like the guy who wrote the country song, “You’re Gonna Miss This,” a song a father sings about his children having already grown up, and he is advising young people around him to enjoy life…today…in the now. No matter what’s happening enjoy it because someday, be assured, you will miss this.

In fact, every time I hear the song on the radio, I think of my two daughters, now 25 and 23, and so to them, I dedicate this blog entry. Of the myriad of mistakes I made when they were young, the one that haunts me more than anything is that I didn’t live a slow enough paced life to wring every moment of enjoyment that I could when I was with them. The treadmill was set at a blistering pace, and everything seemed a blur.

My wife thinks I’m crazy when I tell her that I wish we had had 12 more children. Sometimes, I miss the noise. Sometimes, I miss coming home to a pair of small arms waiting to hug me. Sometimes, I even miss the crying pains of the teenage years.

I’m not exactly sure when a person begins to think of the legacy they will leave but I’ve come to realize that we are actually leaving a legacy every day of our lives. Every day, we influence one way or the other everyone around us – especially our children. And although I’m not any kind of learning expert, children soak up far more by observation than by listening to parents. They are watching everything we do…everything.

We tried to be involved as much as possible in the girls’ lives – even when they didn’t want us to because it wasn’t “cool” to have your parents around. I always figured it was my parental duty to embarrass them, especially during the teen years. But, the childhood years go by in a blur. They really do. I often tell the young guys on staff to hug their children as much as possible because one day they won’t let you or they won’t be around for you to hug.

Some things I did right. Among those things were coaching their basketball teams in elementary school. I taught them an appreciation for the game of basketball. My girls know the game quite well. It has led to our own families’ college basketball bracket competition every March and countless game-watching parties. Even my son-in-law is a part of it now.

Some things I did wrong. I made my wife videotape every one of our games so I could have coaching sessions with my daughters during the week. OK, so I went a little overboard and forgot they were in elementary school.

My oldest is now a speech pathologist at a Lewisville elementary school and my youngest is in her first year as a kindergarten teacher in Mansfield. I know it was yesterday that we were discussing the challenges of learning to shoot a layup.

In the recent Pixar movie “UP,” the husband goes through life looking for the big adventure, wanting more and more, being disappointed and eventually grumpy because life didn’t happen as exciting as he desired. It’s not till late in life, while thumbing through his now deceased wife’s scrapbook, that he realizes that indeed he had lived an adventure and that the journey that the two lived was exciting and something to embrace.

I was reminded of the Psalm: “This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” Embrace today and rejoice and be glad in every moment of every day.

My daughter: “Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“Why do you always say you’ll play tickles with me when you finish with your work, and then it takes so long we don’t get to play?”

Ouch.

My sinful heart quickly began making excuses. Within seconds I had thought of three responses:

• Justify – I wanted at first to tell her that Daddy’s work is important, and that I need to do it.
• Discredit – I wanted to remind her that Daddy doesn’t ALWAYS say that, and that using such words is exaggeration
• The speck and the log – I wanted to teach her about HER sinful heart and how selfish desires were causing her to be focused inward.

But in the moment I was about to speak, I realized it was not her sin that was being revealed, but my own. I repented, and apologized to her for not keeping my word. Squinting my eyes, I looked at her while letting a grin creep across my face. This particular grin is known far and wide as the Daddy’s-Going-To-Tickle-Me-Face. I chased her down the hall, onto our bed, and tickled her mercilessly. We laughed and laughed, she attempted to tickle me (which I certainly didn’t allow – you have to earn that at my house), and then we lay exhausted on the bed staring up at the ceiling fan. Again she spoke:

“Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“Does just the girl get a ring when you get married?”

Thank You, Lord.

This conversation turned into a 15 minute discussion which culminated with me taking her to Ephesians 5:22-33 where we dug deep (for a 5 year old) into what the Scripture has to say about marriage. I spent several hours that night contemplating the fact that I would have missed that opportunity if I had listened to my wicked heart. I was also struck with this: If it is the good pleasure of the Creator and Sustainer of the universe to reveal Himself to and save my daughter, He can accomplish that without me. He has graciously chosen to allow me to participate in His redemptive plan and speak truth to her. I must listen for His voice, inviting me, “Hey Carl – you want in on this?”

She had been crying for what seemed like forever. How long had it been? It was finally time for Hannah to transition from the crib to her “big girl” bed. For quite a few days we had played the jack-in-the-box game at naptime. I would put her in her bed, and she would pop out. Back in, back out. Back in, back out. Exhausting.

After seeking godly advice, I had come to the conclusion that the best solution was to close her bedroom door to help her learn to sleep in her bed. I was TOLD that it’s very simple – just close the door and she’ll get the picture that you’re not opening the door. She might cry for a minute or two but then will get back in her bed – she’ll figure out that her bed is the most comfortable place in there to sleep. Very simple.

With great hope, we did the nap-time routine. Story, tuck-in, assurance that I would be in the next room, hugs, kisses….and then the door shut. She popped out of bed and headed to the door. Not able to open the door, she calmly knocked on the door and yelled for me. So far, so good. This is what the person told me to expect. Next, she should be getting back into bed. Well, not really. As I did not answer, her resolve quickly grew and her calm fled. Her yelling eventually turned to screaming, and her knocking turned to alternating banging and kicking the door as hard as her almost-two-year-old body could muster.

Sitting on the floor outside her door, I’m in agony. I’m wondering “How long will this go on? I was TOLD she might cry a bit then get in bed. Why isn’t it working the way they said? Is this OK? Am I a bad mom?” The crying goes on, my anxiety building all the while. Do I give in now? Do I let her win? She KNOWS that it’s nap time. She KNOWS she’s supposed to be in bed. It went on for what felt like forever. Then, FINALLY…silence. I know she’s just on the other side of the door. Maybe she went to sleep. Maybe…just maybe it worked. I decide to peak under the door to see if I can see anything. Just as I press my face against the carpet, I see one little eyeball staring back at me – her face pressed against the carpet. I quickly got up, not sure if I should laugh or cry. There we both were – wondering if the other had finally succumbed to our will.

The same picture (minus the eyeball under the door) played out for more days than I’m willing to admit. I have so many stories of epic battles over potty training, riding in a car seat, sitting in a “big-girl” seat at dinner, trimming fingernails…the list is long.

All kids are different. Some are compliant while others simply are not. At the end of my rope one day, a friend told me of a popular book about strong-willed children by a popular author. I immediately rushed out and bought the book despite our one-income, shoestring budget. After all, I desperately needed answers. After finding the book I rushed home to find the solutions to my parenting woes. This guy wrote the book about these kids, surely he would know what I needed to hear, right? The next day, after losing much sleep to consume the book as quickly as possible, I threw it away in frustration. That author has no idea what my strong-willed child is like. I would say the author understood a firm-willed child, but he had no idea the resolve of my, of my…of my STEEL-willed child.

I was so defeated. I had no idea how to parent her. Since then I have talked to other parents who are also at the end of their ropes. I’m talking about good parents that try to do all the right things but are still frustrated. The truth is that there is no magic formula, no book and no parenting class that provides easy solutions for these steel-willed children.

If you’re wondering, “Do I have a steel-willed child?” The answer is no, you don’t. Those parents with these children know exactly what I’m talking about, and they’re desperately searching for answers.

If you are the parent of one of these steel-willed children and someone approaches you with a simple 1-2-3 formula to make your child comply, politely thank them but do not believe them. They have firm-willed or possibly strong-willed children. Parents of steel-willed children understand that there is no formula. We simply need patience, peace and lots of prayer.

One thing that I do know to be true is that the parents of all children, and especially steel-willed children, must determine the expected behavior from their child, set the course and don’t lose sight of that goal. Some children will reach that goal with a little correction. Others need a little more training and patience. Steel-willed children require everything that you’ve got and then some.

Remember that it’s not about perfect behavior today. It’s about your child understanding right from wrong. It’s about your child understanding the expectation. It’s about raising the child in the ways of the Lord. Set the course. Stick to it. Don’t waiver. Don’t expect perfection. Your child is a sinner and was born into depravity. For this reason, it is their nature to sin. This doesn’t mean that we give up or accept sin, but understand that it is their nature to fight against you. Some children require more patience than others to come to the point of compliance. It might take a few weeks, a few months or even a few years, but they will comply if you’re focused and steady.

Back to my story…it took Hannah a good long while to learn to stay in her big-girl bed for nap time, but she DID learn it. At this point it is a distant memory, and we now have a sweet eight-year-old little girl whose steel will has remained, but there are many hurdles that we’ve fought and conquered. Praise the Lord. There are many more hurdles in the future. Lord, help us.

One last thing, I believe that God has made these steel-willed children this way for a specific purpose. He has a plan for their lives that we cannot foresee. These children are natural-born leaders. The problem is that they even want to lead Mom and Dad. Your job is to teach them about submission to authority even when they don’t agree with the authority. Learning to submit to authority is a biblical principle that will serve them well for the rest of their lives.

I wish that the “me” today could visit the “me” sitting outside the door that day. I would say, “Hey Hon, you’re doing just fine. It will be a long road, but she WILL learn to sleep in her own bed. There will be many more trials, but you’re a good parent. Remember, don’t compare her to your friends’ kids. She’s different.”

So if you’re the parent of a steel-willed child, take heart, don’t give up, and remember that even steel bends under the right conditions.